"For Good"

The past few weeks have been challenging to say the least. I have learned a lot. I have struggled a lot. I have cried a lot. Most importantly I have argued with God a lot.

Growing up in the Evangelical church I was taught to blindly trust God. From a young age I was taught to never question God. For years this was the model that I followed. Then I realized that it is ok to get angry with God. It is ok to yell at God. It is ok to question God. I have come to learn that questioning frees us. Questioning allows us to challenge the status quo.  Questioning allows us to struggle and be broken. Question allows our wounds to be healed.

In these past few weeks I was reminded that no church is perfect. I was reminded that I cannot save everyone from everything. I was reminded that forgiveness is central to the God movement. I was reminded that as part of the God movement we are called to challenge the status quo. I was reminded of these words from Rev.Martin Luther King Jr. “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

We all have choices to make. No matter what the situation is we always have choices to make. I have made the choice to keep a promise that I made to a dying man whom I admire and respect. I have made the choice to fix a broken friendship. I have made the choice to not agree with the status quo. I have made the choice to stand with the outcast.

I struggled with my choices. I argued with God and seriously debated about not going to seminary. Then I realized that God calls us to change the stereotypes about the Church. God calls us to break down the walls. God calls us to revolt against oppression in all of its forms.

So I am taking a stand for the “least of these”. I am taking a stand for the dying man that I promised to love and support no matter what. I have made the choice to forgive and be forgiven. I am challenging the status quo. I am part of the God movement. I am choosing to serve people over systems of power.

Jesus constantly challenges the status quo of the Roman Empire. In his book “Speaking Christian”, Marcus Borg puts it this way (these quotes come from different parts of the book):

“So they killed him- in a very public way. If they had simply wanted to get rid of him, they could have killed him in a back alley or cell. But they crucified him-a very public and prolonged form of execution deliberately designed to be seen and be a deterrent. Its message was clear: "This is what happens when you challenge us." But when Jesus's death is seen as part of God's plan so that our sins can be forgiven, all of this historical meaning disappears. Jesus' death is domesticated by obscuring the fact that he was killed by the powers that ruled his world. They killed him, but they didn't do it so that he could die for our sins.”

“He was known (and criticized) for his association with marginalized people, often called "tax collectors and sinners" in the Gospels."

"He was known (and criticized) for his inclusive meal practice. In a society where sharing a meal meant acceptance of those with whom he ate, he ate not only with the peasants, but also with those commonly seen as outcasts, virtual untouchables."

"Caesar as savior meant one who brought peace through military victory and power. Jesus as savior meant one who brings peace on earth through justice and nonviolence."

Jesus constantly challenged the status quo. He healed leapers, spent time with whores and tax collectors. He loved the “least of these” and not only did he love the “least of these” as a homeless man Jesus was a “least of these”.

My hope for the future of the Church is that eventually the “Power of love will overcome the love of power”, that the phrase “No matter who you are or where you are on life’s journey you are welcome here” will really be true, and that the walls the church has spent centuries building up will come crashing down.

My prayer for the past few weeks has been a song (because sometimes music speaks when words fail)
“ I'm limited Just look at me - I'm limited And just look at you You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda So now it's up to you For both of us - now it's up to you...I've heard it said That people come into our lives for a reason Bringing something we must learn And we are led To those who help us most to grow If we let them And we help them in return Well, I don't know if I believe that's true But I know I'm who I am today Because I knew you... Like a comet pulled from orbit As it passes a sun Like a stream that meets a boulder Halfway through the wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good It well may be That we will never meet again In this lifetime So let me say before we part So much of me Is made from what I learned from you You'll be with me Like a handprint on my heart And now whatever way our stories end I know you have re-written mine By being my friend... Like a ship blown from its mooring By a wind off the sea Like a seed dropped by a skybird In a distant wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you Because I knew you I have been changed for good And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness For the things I've done you blame me for But then, I guess we know There's blame to share (Both):  And none of it seems to matter anymore Like a comet pulled from orbit As it passes a sun Like a stream that meets a boulder Halfway through the wood Like a ship blown from its mooring By a wind off the sea Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood Who can say if I've been  Changed for the better? I do believe I have been Changed for the better And because I knew you... Because I knew you... Because I knew you... I have been changed for good...” For Good (Wicked)

go in PEACE. live PEACE. be Peace.

Out and About: Three Years Later

About three years ago I came out to my dad and step-mom. I have not been home since Thanksgiving of my freshmen year. That Thanksgiving they decided that I was no longer a part of our family. They decided that I could not tell my sisters because "they will not understand".
In the past three years I have changed my major three times, became a citizen of Allentown, joined the UCC, and have made some mistakes with my life. Coming out was not one of these mistakes. Burning chocolate chip cookies in the microwave was a mistake.
I was angry with my parents for a long time. I was even more angry with God. I was reminded by a UMC pastor that God loves me no matter what and that God will never abandon me.
If I have learned anything in these past three years it is that I need to be true to who God made me to be. I have learned that my sexuality is not a sin. The sin is not being the person who God created me to.
I have not talked to my parents since December 2009. If I could say anything to them it would be : "I love you and I forgive you. Please come to graduation on May 11th."
To anyone who is thinking about coming out I offer you these words :"Do it! It was liberating."
To parents: "All you child wants is to be loved. Just love them."

"And I have learned this: If God loves us, then God could never want the closet. If their exists a loving God, I know in my heart that this God could not wish for human beings to lie, to repress their emotional selves, and to distort that aspect of the soul which leads to the highest of human satisfactions into a dark force of evil and objectification. It is inconceivable to me; the contradiction is too great. There is reconciling a loving God and the tyranny of the closet. Whatever seven verses in the Old and New Testament mean, they cannot possibly mean this. It is unthinkable, obscene." Jay Michaelson (God vs Gay: The Religious Case for Equality)


go in PEACE. live PEACE. be PEACE