Alive!

I came across this on Facebook today. I don't normally talk about my struggle with Endometriosis but I think that this really sums up some of my days. Read the letter (if you want) and then I wrote a little something after it about finding God in my struggle. 

"A LETTER TO THE HEALTHY WORLD FROM THE LAND OF CHRONIC PAIN AND FATIGUE

If you were born with healthy genes, you may know me, but you don't understand me. I was not as lucky as you. I inherited the predisposition to chronic pain. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis after months, years or even decades of mysterious physical and emotional problems. Because you didn't know how sick I was, you called me lazy, a malingerer, or simply ridiculous. If you have the time to read on, I would like to help you understand how different I am from you.
WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ENDOMETRIOSIS
~ Endometriosis is not the newest fad disease. In fact, it isn't even new.
~ The many physical and emotional problems associated with Endometriosis are not psychological in origin. This is not an "all in your head" disease. In fact, the American Medical Association recognizes Endometriosis as a major cause of disability.
~ Diseases like Endometriosis strike life-long athletes as viciously as they do couch potatoes. They can be disabling and depressing, interfering with even the simplest activities of daily life.
WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME
~ My pain - My pain is not your pain. It is not caused by inflammation and sometimes it is. Taking your arthritis medication will not help me or sometimes it will. I can not work my pain out or shake it off. It is not even a pain that stays put. Today it is in my abdomen, but tomorrow it may be in my back, stomach or be gone. It is not well understood, but it is real.
~ My fatigue - I am not merely tired. I am often in a severe state of exhaustion. I may want to participate in physical activities, but I can't. Please do not take this personally. If you saw me shopping in the mall yesterday, but I can't help you with yard work today, it isn't because I don't want to. I am, most likely, paying the price for stressing my body beyond it's capability.
~ My immune system - My body is constantly fighting the Endometriosis, which means it is less equipped to deal with simple things, like the common cold. Because of this, I catch every virus that I come into contact with, and while it may have just been a stuffy nose to you, I will likely become very ill. Colds & flu take months for me to recover from, instead of days or weeks that it takes someone like you.
~ My sensitivities - I just can't stand it! "It" could be any number of things: bright sunlight, loud or high-pitched noises, odors. I can't stand heat, either. Or humidity. And don't be surprised if I shake uncontrollably when it's cold. I don't tolerate cold, either. My internal thermostat is broken, and nobody knows how to fix it. I may get motion sick, or lightheaded in cars or in large groups of people. I cannot tolerate drastic changes to my environment. No, I am not a 'drama queen'. I would give anything to not to be so affected by these things that others see as trivial.
~ My mood swings - Yes, there are days when I would rather stay in bed or in the house or die. I have lost count of how many of Dr. Kevorkian's patients suffered from Endometriosis as well as other related illnesses. Severe, unrelenting pain can cause depression. Your sincere concern and understanding can pull me back from the brink. Your snide remarks can tip me over the edge.
~ My stress - My body does not handle stress well. If I have to give up my job, work part time, or handle my responsibilities from home, I am not lazy. Everyday stresses make my symptoms worse and can incapacitate me completely.
~ My good days - If you see me smiling and functioning normally, don't assume I am well. I suffer from chronic pain and fatigue and a disease with no cure. I can have my good days or weeks or even months. In fact, the good days are what keep me going.
~ My uniqueness (i edited this from the original letter. this is truly my uniqueness) - Even those who suffer from Endometriosis are not alike. That means I may not have all of the problems mentioned above. My legs and my lower back hurt everyday. There are days that my toes hurt. There are days when I wake up and I'm fine and then after sitting in class for an hour I can barely move. There are days that I cannot get out of bed. Right now at 7:44 PM on Sunday Dec 2nd my legs are killing me, I am befriending a bottle of extra strength tums, and all I want to do is sleep but I can't because I have a speech to write and a history final to study for."


I was diagnosed in June of 2011. I don't tell people that I am sick because they don't understand it. I don't tell people that I am sick because I have a fear of being treated like a child who needs help doing everything. The truth is I am a fighter. I always have been and I always will be. I woke up today and the last thing I wanted to do was get out of bed, but I did. I got out of bed, I went to church, and I went to a Christmas party. I smiled through the pain. I held back the tears (at least until I was in the car). Tomorrow I will get up and go to class. Tuesday I will get up and take a history final. Everyday I WILL get out of bed. Every morning when my feet hit the floor I thank God. I thank God for having legs because even though they hurt I have two legs. I thank God for my messed up G.I system because needing tums means that I am lucky enough to have food. Endo is not a curse. Endo is not a death sentence. I might have Stage II Endometriosis but Stage II Endometriosis does NOT have me. I plan on taking my Endo to seminary with me and I plan on taking it to my ordination. I thank God each day I take my Endo somewhere because it means that I am ALIVE. "I'm trading my sickness/I'm trading my pain/I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord" (Trading My Sorrows)

go in PEACE. live PEACE. be PEACE.